Overcoming Depression

Why are so many people depressed or unhappy with their life? I believe that it is because we have become a culture of negativity. Somewhere along the way our focus has changed from what is and could be to a very negative what should have been. This way of thinking has taken a very firm hold in our society and culture. People spend far too much time and energy thinking about what they don’t have that they cannot see what is good in their lives. We focus on our problems and dwell on them, with thoughts of what we should have done instead of looking for solutions like what we could be doing right now to change our situation or position in life. I believe that people suffering from depression have simply become inactive in their life goals. They become depressed when their life does not mirror their ideology of what should have been. Instead of adapting and changing their vision and goals they become trapped by their thoughts of what they have not yet achieved. Let me give you an example of what I’m talking about. I recently talked to a woman who was severely depressed. She told me that she had lost all motivation and desire to accomplish anything in her life. Just getting out of bed became a challenge for her. I started by asking her what she thought she was missing in her life. What did she think she should have accomplished by this point in her life? Who did she imagine she would have been and what did she think she should have had? What I discovered was that her ideology of what her life should have been was nowhere close to the life she was living. She believed that by the time she was 35 years old she would have had a flourishing career as an Attorney, would have traveled the world, had a fairy tale marriage, and had two children a boy and a girl. The reality about her life was she never finished college; she married very young; she was a stay at home mom to three boys; and her husband worked long hours so he could provide a good life for his family. Her lack of accomplishment had put her into a very depressed emotional state, she was on medication but as her depression deepened her medication only covered up the real issues. At this point in time she could have won the lottery and her emotional state would not have changed for very long. So how could we change her emotional state? I believe that there are 5 steps to changing your emotional state. They are;

1. We change our Body Language
2. We change our Mental Focus
3. We change our Language of Thought
4. We change our Belief System
5. We Find Purpose in life

Here’s how it works. There is a body language of strength; there is a body language of confidence; a body language of success; a body language of power by changing our physical state we also change our emotional state. Our body posture can literally change how we feel. When our shoulders are up, our heads are held high, we have a smile on our face, our hands and arms are at our side, and we stand tall and proud our brain chemistry changes. When we are depressed our bodies assume a very different physical state. Our shoulders are down, our heads are down, our arms are crossed, our bodies are tense, and we are certainly not smiling. It may not be the same for everyone but the changes in your body language are there and if you simply alter them your emotional state will change.
The next step is what we chose to focus on. When we are depressed we focus on negative thought like how bad things are, or what we haven’t done with our lives, or that we aren’t contributing enough, that our lives have no purpose, and so on. We need to change our mental focus, instead of focusing on the negative focus on the positive. Focus on what is going right with your life. Don’t worry about what you haven’t done there is always time accomplishment, but only if you allow for it. Give yourself permission to achieve what it is that you feel you are lacking in your life. The only limitations that we have in our lives are the ones we place on ourselves. So positive thoughts are that we have the ability to change our lives, we have health, family, love, a home, what ever it may be change your mental focus.

Now we must change the language of our thought. Why is language of thought important? Because the language of thought controls what emotions we feel and the emotions we feel controls our actions and inactions. This is where you challenge the beliefs that you have. When we are depressed and in a negative state we have a very specific language of thought. We reinforce how we feel by what we chose to say about ourselves. We chose thoughts and language like we don’t matter, or things would better with out us, or my life has no meaning, and so on. This language that we use gives us permission to stay in the depression that we are in. By making a decision to change this language we chose to take back control of our lives. But it will also challenge us to take responsibility for our lives. We all know that it is far easier to blame outside forces for what we have become or for where we are then it is to face our fears and take responsibility for our lives and possibly fail. The risk of making positive changes for most people out weighs the rewards. If we change the language of thought we can change the risks. The power of positive thought will change how we view the outcome of the changes we are making in our lives by changing our emotional state from negative one to a positive one. Therefore reinforcing the decision to change what we are, who we are, and the condition of our lives. Remember that the expectations we have can be changed to meet our lives and never determine the quality of our live.

All that we have done to this point will be for one purpose and that purpose is to change our belief system. The beliefs that you have will shape who you are and what you will achieve. So it becomes very important for you to change what you believe so that the limitations you have placed on yourself can be lifted. How do beliefs change our limitations? They change how we make decisions by changing what emotions we have connected with change. For example if we believe we cannot do something what is our emotional state? We don’t even try if we know we will fail, we lower our emotional state and level of commitment to meet our expectations. If however we believe we can succeed then what is our emotional state? We put everything we have into trying to accomplish or achieve this goal because failure is not an option. I firmly think that what you believe about the world around you will shape what decisions you make and ultimately what you will achieve. So how important are your beliefs? They are critical to your success. We need to have a belief system that allows us to know beyond all shadows of doubt that doing something will be better than doing nothing. That what you do matters and that the quality of your life is determined by the decisions you make. You need to understand that as human beings we need challenges in our lives. That’s what gives our lives excitement and variety. The trick is to not dwell on them for to long, experience challenges solve them and move on.

Lastly we must find purpose in our lives. Whatever that is for you, find a way to contribute, I believe that if you only do things for yourself you will never find the fulfillment and happiness that you seek. When we have purpose we are emotionally charged to perform and that brings us to accomplishment. Why is purpose so important because it gives our lives meaning, it makes us important. So find your purpose in life and experience the challenges that life offers you. Learn from the mistakes you make and don’t avoid taking risks. The rewards will be a better life filled with the knowledge that you have overcome all the diversity that life has given you. We need to understand that no one knows what lies over the next hill or around the corners of our lives but we need to experience all of it. Everything from challenges, accomplishment, disappointment, joy, pain, failure and success all of this makes us who we are. Without pain we can never understand joy, without failure we never appreciate success. If you believe that there will never be pain and disappointment in your life you are only lying to yourself. What happens to us in life is never as important as what we do about it. At the moment we make a decision to change our lives that is when we gain the ultimate power, the power to live.

An easy way out of financial hardships

What I am writing about today is not easy for people to hear in these troubled times. But it is very important that you listen to what I feel needs to be said and more importantly understood. I'm sure that most of you will have a million excuses as to why you cannot or will not take the action necessary to get out of financial trouble. So remember that what ever happens to you, if you are not willing to change you behavior, there is no one to blame for your inaction's but yourself. Don't blame the government, your employer, your family, or anyone or anything else on your financial situation if you chose not to take action, OK. Now with that said, we can move on to the problem at hand. We live in a culture that relies on technology and convenience so much that we believe we need it to exist. We spend much of our hard earned money on these things that are in fact luxuries.
These luxuries are things like cell phones, cable TV, new vehicles, eating out, credit cards, Internet service, video game systems, entertainment, vacations, coffee from a coffee shop, the list goes on but I'm going to stop here because I think you get my point. When I look at many peoples expenses the overwhelming majority of their money is spent on things other than what they need to live. People will over spend on these luxuries rather then make a house payment. I find that to be very disturbing. Everyday I see people who live well above their means and give no second thought to the reality that life could change in an instant and not always for the good. They could leave their families with nothing but debt to them by. Why have we become a society of get it now and pay later? Because large companies spend millions of dollars in advertising to convince us that we cannot live without their products. People need to get a grip on life when they think their ten year old child needs a cell phone to call home to let their parents know where they are. If you have a ten year old child and you don't know where they are, then you don't need to have children, technology will not make you a better parent it just makes you lazy.
If we worked as hard to save our money as we did to spend it, would we be facing the financial challenges that we face today? I don't think so. Now is the time to cut out those things that keep us from reaching our financial goals. Did you know that you should have one years worth of wages in the bank to fall back on if times get tough. Today most people couldn't even write a check for $2000.00 if they had to. So how can we overcome this major challenge in our lives? We reprogram our belief system. We need to change our belief of what we need to be happy and our definition of success.
Understand that we all have this ideology and vision of what we believe our lives should be like. Far to often this idea or concept we have of the way our lives should be is unrealistic. So what can happen I believe, is one of two things.

• One is that we try to buy the life we believe we should have (house, cars, vacations, and so on). So we spends ourselves into debt to find the happiness we are believe we missing in our lives. This leads to huge financial problems that many people never overcome. You need to focus on becoming a positive contributor to your families needs. This never involves buying and having stuff that you cannot afford or that you don't even need. Your family will be far better served by having money saved to fall back on when unforeseen circumstances arise. Your value as a parent or spouse will never be judged by things in your garage.
• The second thing that can happen to us is that we become depressed. When our vision or concept of life does not fit the life we have depression sets in and we spend all of our time wondering what went wrong. We start to medicate our bodies and try to use these drugs to change how we feel. When in reality all we need to do is change our belief about what we need in order to be happy. You must understand that real happiness doesn't require certain conditions. We don't have to have everything we want in order to give ourselves permission to be happy. You can decide to be happy with the life you have, but only if you agree that not everything must be picture perfect and in a certain order.

If you are one of the thousands of people who are going to lose your home and you haven't been making your payments because you are short a few hundred dollars every month. I strongly encourage you to explore your spending and eliminate the luxuries that I know you can live without. For example I know that you want to stay connected but if you get rid of your cell phone, how much money would that save you every month? 50 to 100 dollars, maybe more? Now how much is that a year? I have said it before and I will say it again, if you are waiting for someone or something to bail you out of your problems then you will be waiting a very long time. Folks it's not going to happen (unless you have very rich relatives or family) and here's why. The only person responsible for your life is you. If you got into debt it is your job to get out of debt. But if your not willing to cut down your expenses to eliminate your debt then take a look in the mirror because the person stopping you from achievement is right there looking back.

Now is the time to develop a powerful system for change. The information that is provided to you in this blog is a stepping stone toward changing your financial state. Review your finances and trim what you can in order to achieve your financial goals. If you can eliminate bad spending you'll be on your way to creating a solid foundation in your life. So here are a few financial Goals that I want you to work on.

1. Pay off debt and eliminate some luxuries.
2. Put 10% to 20% of your monthly income into a savings account.
3. Stop needless spending.
4. Don't withdraw, transfer, or spend the money you are putting into your savings account.
5. Develope a positive belief system about saving money and building a secure financial future for yourself and your family.
   

I believe that you can accomplish anything you believe possible.................John Tubiolo